Technicalities

It's easy to feel, most of the time, as though our job is simply to be parents - complete with everything you all know I mean by that.  In fact, quite often we struggle with anger for how vital we are in the system but how ill-treated we feel by those who require us.  Ignoring for the moment the personality quirks from each individual with whom we deal personally, (I have actually felt very encouraged and supported by the individuals with whom we've been working), the system as a whole is so amazingly broken that it's easy to feel that someone designed it to intentionally scorn those of us dealing incessantly with the emotional, behavioral, and developmental effects of someone else's crime.

Now, this isn't a pity-party post.  I understand that our social workers have 30+ hours worth of work to do in every 24 hour day, that there are not enough workers and not nearly enough money, and that this is a horribly heart-wrenching and exhausting occupation to choose.  I currently choose to believe that everyone directly involved is doing as much as they can for us, and that while my children are (obviously!) the most important creatures on Earth, each worker may have 10 or 20 or 40 most important creatures to care for who need much more worker intervention than our relatively stable boys.

That said, our job is not simply to be parents in the traditional sense.  We get to add a layer of administration and technicalities, that most parents don't.  The status of our children's living situation is at the beck and call of the gavel (though apparently gavels have gone the way of the caboose, judges here don't use them anymore) and we have the dubious honor of attending and - if the judge is amenable - having a brief say into proceedings.  Our first day in family court was at the beginning of March, and we had spent the prior month preparing ourselves emotionally for the boys leaving our home.  Surprisingly, there was what seemed to us a pretty basic problem regarding representation and the ruling was for a continuance in three months.  We received a call early May (not three months) that we were scheduled again; after a week of steeling ourselves and preparing, that appearance was canceled since it did not provide the three months required by the judge.

In early June we received another call: a new court date is set!  Three months?  Check.  Everyone appropriately represented?  Check.  That date was to be this Thursday (note the wording there...).  Due to a paperwork delay, one of the participants is unable to attend - which in this case is legally sufficient to cancel our court date.  Family court meets each Thursday; ten days are required for notice, so next week is out... then there's July 4 week where there's no cases, and due to that vacation, the 12th is booked solid.  There were a couple of slots left for the 19th, which they are going to try to get, but after the 19th.... wait for it.... one of the major players loses their representation and has to train in someone new.  Once we miss the 19th, all bets are off.

Not to mention that the addition of another month potentially changes the future plans for the children, as some things came in under the wire but without time to process them and now there's time.

We knew that this was a slow process.  Obviously, since we got the boys in October for a six-week placement and we're on month eight.  I had assumed it was due to the extreme working conditions placed on the social workers.  But for the entire legal system to be working (or not working) such that we are now on our fourth court date to set the complete life trajectory of these boys?  It's astonishing, and not in a good way.  Somehow, in some way, the foster revolution needs to overhaul this part of the system so that our children can receive closure and begin moving forward and healing while they're still young, so that they can heal and become amazing contributors to our world.