Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Quick update
After a lot of prayer and seeking God's will, and reading up on things, we made the call today to start transferring our records from Bethany to the local DSS, where we hope we can get involved in the foster to adopt program. I had to leave a message on voicemail there, so we'll see how quickly they get back to us and what steps we need to take. More info as I know it.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Another year ended
Apparently the last time I updated was October. I keep waiting for something to happen that I can report on, and then nothing does. This weekend something happened: our homestudy had it's first birthday. I've been saying that it "expired", because we technically don't have an approved homestudy available between the last day and the renewal. Normally renewal happens prior to expiration date (which was May 2 for us), but due to one thing and another, it hasn't been completed. Hopefully our end of it will be done by the end of next week - the proper paperwork is in the mail - and then we have to redo the fire inspection. Last time it took him a month to get here, so we'll see how this works.
In the meantime, there has been a bit of a change in the general situation. The last time I posted, we had about 24 inquiries outstanding. This means that we'd submitted our homestudy for these children and had not yet heard any result from their individual social workers. Then, suddenly (for us), the Federal and State budgets changed in the area of Children and Family Services, cutting social worker hours, laying off a lot of folks, and making it much more difficult for states to pay private agencies or deal with the ICPC (Interstate Compact).
The result for us is that the last time I posted here was approximately the last time we heard anything from anyone out of state, except for one child in February (whose worker chose a family closer to home) and another child I inquired on a couple of weeks ago, whose worker emailed me that the children on that website are no longer available for out-of-state placements. None of the other 24 inquiries followed up... in fact, no one even returned our social worker's multiple phone calls to verify they received our study. Inter-state adoptions, while still possible for extremely hard-to-place children, seems to have become nearly impossible, and the program we're in is completely dependent on inter-state inquiries due to other restrictions on Agency/DSS in-state interactions.
The arrival of our homestudy renewal puts us in an ideal position to make a change in our program. However, we've been experiencing a lot of different emotions and thoughts, we're doing a LOT of praying, and every time we discuss we come out with something different. Oddly, we've thus far been in agreement each time, but none of it is leading us to a solid conclusion.
We're proceeding with the renewal of the homestudy as it is, but we've also received paperwork for the domestic infant program, as well as having contact information for a local DSS person if we choose to switch to foster adopt. (As an aside, we had hoped to do local foster care while seeking a child out-of-state, but we've been chasing that option down for a definitive NO from DSS. They don't like the idea of working from more than one angle.) We've also seriously discussed the possibility of changing to a local agency so that we can be more actively engaged in the situation.
Please join us as we pray for clarity on which direction we need to go. Please also pray for our social worker, Bert, who just received some discouraging news about her health and is feeling the pressure of the work time that will be lost in dealing with it.
Thanks.
In the meantime, there has been a bit of a change in the general situation. The last time I posted, we had about 24 inquiries outstanding. This means that we'd submitted our homestudy for these children and had not yet heard any result from their individual social workers. Then, suddenly (for us), the Federal and State budgets changed in the area of Children and Family Services, cutting social worker hours, laying off a lot of folks, and making it much more difficult for states to pay private agencies or deal with the ICPC (Interstate Compact).
The result for us is that the last time I posted here was approximately the last time we heard anything from anyone out of state, except for one child in February (whose worker chose a family closer to home) and another child I inquired on a couple of weeks ago, whose worker emailed me that the children on that website are no longer available for out-of-state placements. None of the other 24 inquiries followed up... in fact, no one even returned our social worker's multiple phone calls to verify they received our study. Inter-state adoptions, while still possible for extremely hard-to-place children, seems to have become nearly impossible, and the program we're in is completely dependent on inter-state inquiries due to other restrictions on Agency/DSS in-state interactions.
The arrival of our homestudy renewal puts us in an ideal position to make a change in our program. However, we've been experiencing a lot of different emotions and thoughts, we're doing a LOT of praying, and every time we discuss we come out with something different. Oddly, we've thus far been in agreement each time, but none of it is leading us to a solid conclusion.
We're proceeding with the renewal of the homestudy as it is, but we've also received paperwork for the domestic infant program, as well as having contact information for a local DSS person if we choose to switch to foster adopt. (As an aside, we had hoped to do local foster care while seeking a child out-of-state, but we've been chasing that option down for a definitive NO from DSS. They don't like the idea of working from more than one angle.) We've also seriously discussed the possibility of changing to a local agency so that we can be more actively engaged in the situation.
Please join us as we pray for clarity on which direction we need to go. Please also pray for our social worker, Bert, who just received some discouraging news about her health and is feeling the pressure of the work time that will be lost in dealing with it.
Thanks.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Disruptions & Respite
Still no updates on the children we've submitted requests on; however, there is an unavoidable and unfortunate reason. Bert's been working with a couple of disruption situations, which is really really tough. A disruption is when a child has been adopted and, through no fault of the family's (either the behavior had been hidden or the child hasn't done these things before), end up being too difficult to handle and so the family has to back out, or "disrupt", the adoption. It's not something that's ever done lightly, and in most cases I've heard of it's due to an older child who starts acting in ways that are dangerous to other children in the home. I'm sure there are other reasons as well, but it's heartbreaking for everyone involved. While I'm frustrated with the slow pace on our behalf I have to think of these kids Bert's been dealing with the last couple of weeks, who have been through so much personal trauma that they intentionally create unmanageable family life in their adoptive homes, and the families who have been taken unaware and are having to make some pretty horrible decisions and deal with some pretty horrible repercussions.
There are also situations in which a newly adopted or foster child takes more to parent than the family expected, and so (like any new parent) they could occasionally use a break to get some rest or clean the house or whatever. Bert called this morning to broach the idea of us providing respite care for local Bethany families, at least until we find our own child. Basically, this is babysitting... the children are already adopted, but have issues that we've already been trained in through our foster/adoption sessions. Respite can be anywhere from a one time gig of a couple of hours, or it could be a weekend every so often... but anything longer than one weekend is considered foster care, so it'd be filed differently... and we're not going that route.
On the risk side, we'd have a possibly high-maintenance child we've never met living in our home for an hour or a weekend or anything in between, which is pretty much the definition of foster care (though that can run longer). Plus, we'd need to finish buying the furniture for the back bedroom.
On the benefits side, unlike foster care, these kids are already adopted so we wouldn't get emotionally attached to the possibility that they could be our children. We can always say no at any time, we state how much time we can take them for and what kind of problems we're willing to have in our home, we would get a first-hand look at the experiences of children coming from the system, and the "parenting" experience would be added to our adoption file to help bulk out the resume (so to speak). It's basically a cross between babysitting and an unpaid internship. We'd also get to know other local Bethany families, which is cool. And we'd be better care for the child than just a babysitter because we're trained for many potential behaviors, and we have no other children in the home which gives the child one-on-one attention that they desperately need and no one else to harm if they act out with younger children (unfortunately common in some situations). So it'd be beneficial to us, the child, and the child's adoptive family, in more ways than one.
We haven't sat down to talk about it yet; though I think I know what I'd like to do, it's obviously something that we both have to talk through and agree upon. It's entirely up to us, but Bert would like not only an answer to the question but also a brief summary of how we come to our answer. I think it's part of her need to get to know more about how we think and process things, perhaps a brief social-worker test on communication? In any case, it helps her to help us choose our own child when she knows more about us. But considering how often Lanse and I finish each other's sentences or converse with "You know, the thing..." "Oh yeah, with the whatsit...", I think summarizing it will be the hardest part of the process, whatever decision we make!
Prayer requests:
Pray for these two children who may be leaving their adoptive homes, their families, and for Bert trying to juggle all these different situations for everybody's best interest.
Pray for clear communication and wisdom as we talk and decide on whether or not we're open to providing respite care.
Pray that if we feel God lead us to open our home for respite care, He will provide funds or furniture and supplies in a very obvious way that points it towards that purpose.
Pray that God continues to reassure us that He's got things on track for the placement of our own child, and that He'll grant us patience in the meantime.
There are also situations in which a newly adopted or foster child takes more to parent than the family expected, and so (like any new parent) they could occasionally use a break to get some rest or clean the house or whatever. Bert called this morning to broach the idea of us providing respite care for local Bethany families, at least until we find our own child. Basically, this is babysitting... the children are already adopted, but have issues that we've already been trained in through our foster/adoption sessions. Respite can be anywhere from a one time gig of a couple of hours, or it could be a weekend every so often... but anything longer than one weekend is considered foster care, so it'd be filed differently... and we're not going that route.
On the risk side, we'd have a possibly high-maintenance child we've never met living in our home for an hour or a weekend or anything in between, which is pretty much the definition of foster care (though that can run longer). Plus, we'd need to finish buying the furniture for the back bedroom.
On the benefits side, unlike foster care, these kids are already adopted so we wouldn't get emotionally attached to the possibility that they could be our children. We can always say no at any time, we state how much time we can take them for and what kind of problems we're willing to have in our home, we would get a first-hand look at the experiences of children coming from the system, and the "parenting" experience would be added to our adoption file to help bulk out the resume (so to speak). It's basically a cross between babysitting and an unpaid internship. We'd also get to know other local Bethany families, which is cool. And we'd be better care for the child than just a babysitter because we're trained for many potential behaviors, and we have no other children in the home which gives the child one-on-one attention that they desperately need and no one else to harm if they act out with younger children (unfortunately common in some situations). So it'd be beneficial to us, the child, and the child's adoptive family, in more ways than one.
We haven't sat down to talk about it yet; though I think I know what I'd like to do, it's obviously something that we both have to talk through and agree upon. It's entirely up to us, but Bert would like not only an answer to the question but also a brief summary of how we come to our answer. I think it's part of her need to get to know more about how we think and process things, perhaps a brief social-worker test on communication? In any case, it helps her to help us choose our own child when she knows more about us. But considering how often Lanse and I finish each other's sentences or converse with "You know, the thing..." "Oh yeah, with the whatsit...", I think summarizing it will be the hardest part of the process, whatever decision we make!
Prayer requests:
Pray for these two children who may be leaving their adoptive homes, their families, and for Bert trying to juggle all these different situations for everybody's best interest.
Pray for clear communication and wisdom as we talk and decide on whether or not we're open to providing respite care.
Pray that if we feel God lead us to open our home for respite care, He will provide funds or furniture and supplies in a very obvious way that points it towards that purpose.
Pray that God continues to reassure us that He's got things on track for the placement of our own child, and that He'll grant us patience in the meantime.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
End of August
When you've been, in a way, commissioned to find a child through the means we have, including weekly (or more, as the spirit leads) perusals through the entire list in my last post, you find your strength and emotional level both flow somewhat like a roller coaster. One day I wake up with amazing motivation, the desire to Get Stuff Done plows me right into the heart of the photolistings for hours on end. After a while it slows to where I'll idly load up the national listings or regional exchange sites while chatting with my husband or watching a show. And then I wake up the next morning suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that after all that work we still have nothing to show for it, and I just can not do this right now. But that's okay. I don't have to. The pressure is self-applied, so it's entirely up to me if I take a vacation.
So right now, aside from a request on two kids early last week, I'm on (the hopefully tail end of) a so far two week vacation. Vacations should probably be brief, as the kind of children we're searching for are only listed momentarily and we don't want to miss any opportunities. I've just touched base with Bert in hopes of good news; while there really wasn't any with her, I did hear that the siblings I wrote of at the beginning of the month had to postpone their meeting with the family member until the beginning of September, so they're still not making any decisions for them yet. More waiting. But the news came from my direct contact with the children's agency person, who seemed quite excited that I found it worthwhile to follow up and encouraged me to do so as often as I'd like. Building personal connections appears to be quite a lot of what it's about.
I'm getting nervous about the amount of time I've spent away from the photolistings, but also recognize that it'll do more damage in the long run if I burn out. I'm marking the upcoming long weekend as a goal date to take at least one more spin through each of those listings, preferably two; tonight and probably next Thursday as Wednesday seems to be a pretty common "update the website" day for the exchanges. My school classes begin again after Labor Day, so hopefully I can maintain some kind of homework/photolisting/everything else schedule through the next semester. I value any and all prayers for motivation and energy!
So right now, aside from a request on two kids early last week, I'm on (the hopefully tail end of) a so far two week vacation. Vacations should probably be brief, as the kind of children we're searching for are only listed momentarily and we don't want to miss any opportunities. I've just touched base with Bert in hopes of good news; while there really wasn't any with her, I did hear that the siblings I wrote of at the beginning of the month had to postpone their meeting with the family member until the beginning of September, so they're still not making any decisions for them yet. More waiting. But the news came from my direct contact with the children's agency person, who seemed quite excited that I found it worthwhile to follow up and encouraged me to do so as often as I'd like. Building personal connections appears to be quite a lot of what it's about.
I'm getting nervous about the amount of time I've spent away from the photolistings, but also recognize that it'll do more damage in the long run if I burn out. I'm marking the upcoming long weekend as a goal date to take at least one more spin through each of those listings, preferably two; tonight and probably next Thursday as Wednesday seems to be a pretty common "update the website" day for the exchanges. My school classes begin again after Labor Day, so hopefully I can maintain some kind of homework/photolisting/everything else schedule through the next semester. I value any and all prayers for motivation and energy!
Photolistings
I'm going to put these links here so that I know where they are. If any adopting families are reading this, feel free to use them.
My social worker pointed us to Comeunity.org for their comprehensive list of photolistings. However, a lot of the links were broken, so I did some Googling to update stuff. This is my current list of state-specific websites; if a state does not have a link it means I could not track down anything through their DSS page.
All state's kids are listed at AdoptUSKids.org, but if a state has an asterisk* it means their DSS page links directly there.
The List - States are linked, URL listed to show you where you're going.
*Alabama
Alaska http://www.nwae.org/wait-aka.html
Arizona http://www.aask-az.org/mediagallery/index.html
Arkansas http://www.arkansas.gov/dhs/adoption/adoption.html
California http://www.cakidsconnection.com/FindChild.php
*Colorado http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Connecticut
*Delaware http://kids.delaware.gov/heartgallery/heartgallery.shtml
*DC
Florida http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/adoption/search/indexnew.asp
Georgia http://167.193.144.179/mtnmenu2.asp
Idaho http://www.idahowednesdayschild.org/index.php
Idaho 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-id.html
*Illinois
Indiana - broken link on dss
Iowa http://www.iakids.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=kids.list
Kansas https://www.adoptkskids.org/Ad_Exch_Quick_Search.aspx
Kentucky https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/snap/
*Louisiana http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=newsroom&tmp=category&catID=4
Maine http://www.afamilyforme.org/heart.html
*Maryland http://adoption.marylandmare.org/
Massachusetts http://extranet.mareinc.org/logon.aspx
Michigan http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html
Minnesota http://www.mnadopt.org/meetthekids.html
Minnesota 2 http://www10.co.hennepin.mn.us/csp/Adoptions/refinesearch.csp
Minnesota 3 http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/hs/adoption/waitingchildren.htm
Mississippi - no dss link
Missouri http://www.kcchildren.org/
Missouri 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Montana
Nebraska http://www.hhss.ne.gov/adoption/children.htm
Nebraska 2 http://www.nebraskaheartgallery.org/heartgallery.htm
Nevada http://www.co.washoe.nv.us/socsrv/socsrv_child_adoption_recruit.html
Nevada 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*New Jersey
New Mexico http://www.heartgallerynm.org/child_all
New Mexico 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
New York https://apps.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/Search/Demographic.aspx
*North Carolina
*North Dakota
*Ohio
Ohio 2 http://www.athenschildrenservices.com/children
Ohio 3 http://www.co.franklin.oh.us/children_services/adoption/adoptable-kids/
Ohio 4 http://www.hcjfs.hamilton-co.org/hckids/
Ohio 5 http://www.marionkids.com/fosteradopt.htm
Ohio 6 http://www.co.stark.oh.us/internet/HOME.DisplayPage?v_page=djfs_adoption
Ohio 7 http://www.summitkids.org/FosterCareAdoption/ChildProfiles/tabid/77/Default.aspx
Ohio 8 http://www.sanduskycountydjfs.org/chsvc.htm
*Oklahoma http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Oregon http://boysandgirlsaid.org/programs/meet-wendys-wonderful-kids/
Oregon 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-or.html
Pennsylvania http://www.adoptpakids.org/hgLanding.asp
Rhode Island http://www.adoptionri.org/photolisting.html
*South Carolina http://www.scheartgallery.org/
South Dakota http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
South Dakota 2 http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/childrenwaiting/
*Tennessee
Texas http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search
Utah http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Utah 2 https://www.utdcfsadopt.org/docs/f.search.php
Vermont http://dcf.vermont.gov/projectfamily/adopting/children
*Virginia http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/ap/heart_galleries/index.cgi
Washington http://www.nwae.org/wait-wa.html
West Virginia http://www.wvdhhr.org/oss/adoption/arn/search.cfm
Wisconsin http://www.adoptionresourcesofwi.org/lib/kids.asp?bog=1&Beh=3&Lea=3&Dev=3&Phy=3&Emo=3
Wyoming http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
National Listings
CAP: http://www.capbook.org/meet.asp
Adopt America Network: http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/2003/children.html
AdoptUSKids: http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx
Photolistings.com: http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-adoption/advanced/
My social worker pointed us to Comeunity.org for their comprehensive list of photolistings. However, a lot of the links were broken, so I did some Googling to update stuff. This is my current list of state-specific websites; if a state does not have a link it means I could not track down anything through their DSS page.
All state's kids are listed at AdoptUSKids.org, but if a state has an asterisk* it means their DSS page links directly there.
The List - States are linked, URL listed to show you where you're going.
*Alabama
Alaska http://www.nwae.org/wait-aka.html
Arizona http://www.aask-az.org/mediagallery/index.html
Arkansas http://www.arkansas.gov/dhs/adoption/adoption.html
California http://www.cakidsconnection.com/FindChild.php
*Colorado http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Connecticut
*Delaware http://kids.delaware.gov/heartgallery/heartgallery.shtml
*DC
Florida http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/adoption/search/indexnew.asp
Georgia http://167.193.144.179/mtnmenu2.asp
Idaho http://www.idahowednesdayschild.org/index.php
Idaho 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-id.html
*Illinois
Indiana - broken link on dss
Iowa http://www.iakids.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=kids.list
Kansas https://www.adoptkskids.org/Ad_Exch_Quick_Search.aspx
Kentucky https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/snap/
*Louisiana http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=newsroom&tmp=category&catID=4
Maine http://www.afamilyforme.org/heart.html
*Maryland http://adoption.marylandmare.org/
Massachusetts http://extranet.mareinc.org/logon.aspx
Michigan http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html
Minnesota http://www.mnadopt.org/meetthekids.html
Minnesota 2 http://www10.co.hennepin.mn.us/csp/Adoptions/refinesearch.csp
Minnesota 3 http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/hs/adoption/waitingchildren.htm
Mississippi - no dss link
Missouri http://www.kcchildren.org/
Missouri 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Montana
Nebraska http://www.hhss.ne.gov/adoption/children.htm
Nebraska 2 http://www.nebraskaheartgallery.org/heartgallery.htm
Nevada http://www.co.washoe.nv.us/socsrv/socsrv_child_adoption_recruit.html
Nevada 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*New Jersey
New Mexico http://www.heartgallerynm.org/child_all
New Mexico 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
New York https://apps.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/Search/Demographic.aspx
*North Carolina
*North Dakota
*Ohio
Ohio 2 http://www.athenschildrenservices.com/children
Ohio 3 http://www.co.franklin.oh.us/children_services/adoption/adoptable-kids/
Ohio 4 http://www.hcjfs.hamilton-co.org/hckids/
Ohio 5 http://www.marionkids.com/fosteradopt.htm
Ohio 6 http://www.co.stark.oh.us/internet/HOME.DisplayPage?v_page=djfs_adoption
Ohio 7 http://www.summitkids.org/FosterCareAdoption/ChildProfiles/tabid/77/Default.aspx
Ohio 8 http://www.sanduskycountydjfs.org/chsvc.htm
*Oklahoma http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Oregon http://boysandgirlsaid.org/programs/meet-wendys-wonderful-kids/
Oregon 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-or.html
Pennsylvania http://www.adoptpakids.org/hgLanding.asp
Rhode Island http://www.adoptionri.org/photolisting.html
*South Carolina http://www.scheartgallery.org/
South Dakota http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
South Dakota 2 http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/childrenwaiting/
*Tennessee
Texas http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search
Utah http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Utah 2 https://www.utdcfsadopt.org/docs/f.search.php
Vermont http://dcf.vermont.gov/projectfamily/adopting/children
*Virginia http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/ap/heart_galleries/index.cgi
Washington http://www.nwae.org/wait-wa.html
West Virginia http://www.wvdhhr.org/oss/adoption/arn/search.cfm
Wisconsin http://www.adoptionresourcesofwi.org/lib/kids.asp?bog=1&Beh=3&Lea=3&Dev=3&Phy=3&Emo=3
Wyoming http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
National Listings
CAP: http://www.capbook.org/meet.asp
Adopt America Network: http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/2003/children.html
AdoptUSKids: http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx
Photolistings.com: http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-adoption/advanced/
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