Apparently the last time I updated was October. I keep waiting for something to happen that I can report on, and then nothing does. This weekend something happened: our homestudy had it's first birthday. I've been saying that it "expired", because we technically don't have an approved homestudy available between the last day and the renewal. Normally renewal happens prior to expiration date (which was May 2 for us), but due to one thing and another, it hasn't been completed. Hopefully our end of it will be done by the end of next week - the proper paperwork is in the mail - and then we have to redo the fire inspection. Last time it took him a month to get here, so we'll see how this works.
In the meantime, there has been a bit of a change in the general situation. The last time I posted, we had about 24 inquiries outstanding. This means that we'd submitted our homestudy for these children and had not yet heard any result from their individual social workers. Then, suddenly (for us), the Federal and State budgets changed in the area of Children and Family Services, cutting social worker hours, laying off a lot of folks, and making it much more difficult for states to pay private agencies or deal with the ICPC (Interstate Compact).
The result for us is that the last time I posted here was approximately the last time we heard anything from anyone out of state, except for one child in February (whose worker chose a family closer to home) and another child I inquired on a couple of weeks ago, whose worker emailed me that the children on that website are no longer available for out-of-state placements. None of the other 24 inquiries followed up... in fact, no one even returned our social worker's multiple phone calls to verify they received our study. Inter-state adoptions, while still possible for extremely hard-to-place children, seems to have become nearly impossible, and the program we're in is completely dependent on inter-state inquiries due to other restrictions on Agency/DSS in-state interactions.
The arrival of our homestudy renewal puts us in an ideal position to make a change in our program. However, we've been experiencing a lot of different emotions and thoughts, we're doing a LOT of praying, and every time we discuss we come out with something different. Oddly, we've thus far been in agreement each time, but none of it is leading us to a solid conclusion.
We're proceeding with the renewal of the homestudy as it is, but we've also received paperwork for the domestic infant program, as well as having contact information for a local DSS person if we choose to switch to foster adopt. (As an aside, we had hoped to do local foster care while seeking a child out-of-state, but we've been chasing that option down for a definitive NO from DSS. They don't like the idea of working from more than one angle.) We've also seriously discussed the possibility of changing to a local agency so that we can be more actively engaged in the situation.
Please join us as we pray for clarity on which direction we need to go. Please also pray for our social worker, Bert, who just received some discouraging news about her health and is feeling the pressure of the work time that will be lost in dealing with it.
Thanks.
Showing posts with label searching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label searching. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Disruptions & Respite
Still no updates on the children we've submitted requests on; however, there is an unavoidable and unfortunate reason. Bert's been working with a couple of disruption situations, which is really really tough. A disruption is when a child has been adopted and, through no fault of the family's (either the behavior had been hidden or the child hasn't done these things before), end up being too difficult to handle and so the family has to back out, or "disrupt", the adoption. It's not something that's ever done lightly, and in most cases I've heard of it's due to an older child who starts acting in ways that are dangerous to other children in the home. I'm sure there are other reasons as well, but it's heartbreaking for everyone involved. While I'm frustrated with the slow pace on our behalf I have to think of these kids Bert's been dealing with the last couple of weeks, who have been through so much personal trauma that they intentionally create unmanageable family life in their adoptive homes, and the families who have been taken unaware and are having to make some pretty horrible decisions and deal with some pretty horrible repercussions.
There are also situations in which a newly adopted or foster child takes more to parent than the family expected, and so (like any new parent) they could occasionally use a break to get some rest or clean the house or whatever. Bert called this morning to broach the idea of us providing respite care for local Bethany families, at least until we find our own child. Basically, this is babysitting... the children are already adopted, but have issues that we've already been trained in through our foster/adoption sessions. Respite can be anywhere from a one time gig of a couple of hours, or it could be a weekend every so often... but anything longer than one weekend is considered foster care, so it'd be filed differently... and we're not going that route.
On the risk side, we'd have a possibly high-maintenance child we've never met living in our home for an hour or a weekend or anything in between, which is pretty much the definition of foster care (though that can run longer). Plus, we'd need to finish buying the furniture for the back bedroom.
On the benefits side, unlike foster care, these kids are already adopted so we wouldn't get emotionally attached to the possibility that they could be our children. We can always say no at any time, we state how much time we can take them for and what kind of problems we're willing to have in our home, we would get a first-hand look at the experiences of children coming from the system, and the "parenting" experience would be added to our adoption file to help bulk out the resume (so to speak). It's basically a cross between babysitting and an unpaid internship. We'd also get to know other local Bethany families, which is cool. And we'd be better care for the child than just a babysitter because we're trained for many potential behaviors, and we have no other children in the home which gives the child one-on-one attention that they desperately need and no one else to harm if they act out with younger children (unfortunately common in some situations). So it'd be beneficial to us, the child, and the child's adoptive family, in more ways than one.
We haven't sat down to talk about it yet; though I think I know what I'd like to do, it's obviously something that we both have to talk through and agree upon. It's entirely up to us, but Bert would like not only an answer to the question but also a brief summary of how we come to our answer. I think it's part of her need to get to know more about how we think and process things, perhaps a brief social-worker test on communication? In any case, it helps her to help us choose our own child when she knows more about us. But considering how often Lanse and I finish each other's sentences or converse with "You know, the thing..." "Oh yeah, with the whatsit...", I think summarizing it will be the hardest part of the process, whatever decision we make!
Prayer requests:
Pray for these two children who may be leaving their adoptive homes, their families, and for Bert trying to juggle all these different situations for everybody's best interest.
Pray for clear communication and wisdom as we talk and decide on whether or not we're open to providing respite care.
Pray that if we feel God lead us to open our home for respite care, He will provide funds or furniture and supplies in a very obvious way that points it towards that purpose.
Pray that God continues to reassure us that He's got things on track for the placement of our own child, and that He'll grant us patience in the meantime.
There are also situations in which a newly adopted or foster child takes more to parent than the family expected, and so (like any new parent) they could occasionally use a break to get some rest or clean the house or whatever. Bert called this morning to broach the idea of us providing respite care for local Bethany families, at least until we find our own child. Basically, this is babysitting... the children are already adopted, but have issues that we've already been trained in through our foster/adoption sessions. Respite can be anywhere from a one time gig of a couple of hours, or it could be a weekend every so often... but anything longer than one weekend is considered foster care, so it'd be filed differently... and we're not going that route.
On the risk side, we'd have a possibly high-maintenance child we've never met living in our home for an hour or a weekend or anything in between, which is pretty much the definition of foster care (though that can run longer). Plus, we'd need to finish buying the furniture for the back bedroom.
On the benefits side, unlike foster care, these kids are already adopted so we wouldn't get emotionally attached to the possibility that they could be our children. We can always say no at any time, we state how much time we can take them for and what kind of problems we're willing to have in our home, we would get a first-hand look at the experiences of children coming from the system, and the "parenting" experience would be added to our adoption file to help bulk out the resume (so to speak). It's basically a cross between babysitting and an unpaid internship. We'd also get to know other local Bethany families, which is cool. And we'd be better care for the child than just a babysitter because we're trained for many potential behaviors, and we have no other children in the home which gives the child one-on-one attention that they desperately need and no one else to harm if they act out with younger children (unfortunately common in some situations). So it'd be beneficial to us, the child, and the child's adoptive family, in more ways than one.
We haven't sat down to talk about it yet; though I think I know what I'd like to do, it's obviously something that we both have to talk through and agree upon. It's entirely up to us, but Bert would like not only an answer to the question but also a brief summary of how we come to our answer. I think it's part of her need to get to know more about how we think and process things, perhaps a brief social-worker test on communication? In any case, it helps her to help us choose our own child when she knows more about us. But considering how often Lanse and I finish each other's sentences or converse with "You know, the thing..." "Oh yeah, with the whatsit...", I think summarizing it will be the hardest part of the process, whatever decision we make!
Prayer requests:
Pray for these two children who may be leaving their adoptive homes, their families, and for Bert trying to juggle all these different situations for everybody's best interest.
Pray for clear communication and wisdom as we talk and decide on whether or not we're open to providing respite care.
Pray that if we feel God lead us to open our home for respite care, He will provide funds or furniture and supplies in a very obvious way that points it towards that purpose.
Pray that God continues to reassure us that He's got things on track for the placement of our own child, and that He'll grant us patience in the meantime.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
End of August
When you've been, in a way, commissioned to find a child through the means we have, including weekly (or more, as the spirit leads) perusals through the entire list in my last post, you find your strength and emotional level both flow somewhat like a roller coaster. One day I wake up with amazing motivation, the desire to Get Stuff Done plows me right into the heart of the photolistings for hours on end. After a while it slows to where I'll idly load up the national listings or regional exchange sites while chatting with my husband or watching a show. And then I wake up the next morning suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that after all that work we still have nothing to show for it, and I just can not do this right now. But that's okay. I don't have to. The pressure is self-applied, so it's entirely up to me if I take a vacation.
So right now, aside from a request on two kids early last week, I'm on (the hopefully tail end of) a so far two week vacation. Vacations should probably be brief, as the kind of children we're searching for are only listed momentarily and we don't want to miss any opportunities. I've just touched base with Bert in hopes of good news; while there really wasn't any with her, I did hear that the siblings I wrote of at the beginning of the month had to postpone their meeting with the family member until the beginning of September, so they're still not making any decisions for them yet. More waiting. But the news came from my direct contact with the children's agency person, who seemed quite excited that I found it worthwhile to follow up and encouraged me to do so as often as I'd like. Building personal connections appears to be quite a lot of what it's about.
I'm getting nervous about the amount of time I've spent away from the photolistings, but also recognize that it'll do more damage in the long run if I burn out. I'm marking the upcoming long weekend as a goal date to take at least one more spin through each of those listings, preferably two; tonight and probably next Thursday as Wednesday seems to be a pretty common "update the website" day for the exchanges. My school classes begin again after Labor Day, so hopefully I can maintain some kind of homework/photolisting/everything else schedule through the next semester. I value any and all prayers for motivation and energy!
So right now, aside from a request on two kids early last week, I'm on (the hopefully tail end of) a so far two week vacation. Vacations should probably be brief, as the kind of children we're searching for are only listed momentarily and we don't want to miss any opportunities. I've just touched base with Bert in hopes of good news; while there really wasn't any with her, I did hear that the siblings I wrote of at the beginning of the month had to postpone their meeting with the family member until the beginning of September, so they're still not making any decisions for them yet. More waiting. But the news came from my direct contact with the children's agency person, who seemed quite excited that I found it worthwhile to follow up and encouraged me to do so as often as I'd like. Building personal connections appears to be quite a lot of what it's about.
I'm getting nervous about the amount of time I've spent away from the photolistings, but also recognize that it'll do more damage in the long run if I burn out. I'm marking the upcoming long weekend as a goal date to take at least one more spin through each of those listings, preferably two; tonight and probably next Thursday as Wednesday seems to be a pretty common "update the website" day for the exchanges. My school classes begin again after Labor Day, so hopefully I can maintain some kind of homework/photolisting/everything else schedule through the next semester. I value any and all prayers for motivation and energy!
Photolistings
I'm going to put these links here so that I know where they are. If any adopting families are reading this, feel free to use them.
My social worker pointed us to Comeunity.org for their comprehensive list of photolistings. However, a lot of the links were broken, so I did some Googling to update stuff. This is my current list of state-specific websites; if a state does not have a link it means I could not track down anything through their DSS page.
All state's kids are listed at AdoptUSKids.org, but if a state has an asterisk* it means their DSS page links directly there.
The List - States are linked, URL listed to show you where you're going.
*Alabama
Alaska http://www.nwae.org/wait-aka.html
Arizona http://www.aask-az.org/mediagallery/index.html
Arkansas http://www.arkansas.gov/dhs/adoption/adoption.html
California http://www.cakidsconnection.com/FindChild.php
*Colorado http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Connecticut
*Delaware http://kids.delaware.gov/heartgallery/heartgallery.shtml
*DC
Florida http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/adoption/search/indexnew.asp
Georgia http://167.193.144.179/mtnmenu2.asp
Idaho http://www.idahowednesdayschild.org/index.php
Idaho 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-id.html
*Illinois
Indiana - broken link on dss
Iowa http://www.iakids.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=kids.list
Kansas https://www.adoptkskids.org/Ad_Exch_Quick_Search.aspx
Kentucky https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/snap/
*Louisiana http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=newsroom&tmp=category&catID=4
Maine http://www.afamilyforme.org/heart.html
*Maryland http://adoption.marylandmare.org/
Massachusetts http://extranet.mareinc.org/logon.aspx
Michigan http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html
Minnesota http://www.mnadopt.org/meetthekids.html
Minnesota 2 http://www10.co.hennepin.mn.us/csp/Adoptions/refinesearch.csp
Minnesota 3 http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/hs/adoption/waitingchildren.htm
Mississippi - no dss link
Missouri http://www.kcchildren.org/
Missouri 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Montana
Nebraska http://www.hhss.ne.gov/adoption/children.htm
Nebraska 2 http://www.nebraskaheartgallery.org/heartgallery.htm
Nevada http://www.co.washoe.nv.us/socsrv/socsrv_child_adoption_recruit.html
Nevada 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*New Jersey
New Mexico http://www.heartgallerynm.org/child_all
New Mexico 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
New York https://apps.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/Search/Demographic.aspx
*North Carolina
*North Dakota
*Ohio
Ohio 2 http://www.athenschildrenservices.com/children
Ohio 3 http://www.co.franklin.oh.us/children_services/adoption/adoptable-kids/
Ohio 4 http://www.hcjfs.hamilton-co.org/hckids/
Ohio 5 http://www.marionkids.com/fosteradopt.htm
Ohio 6 http://www.co.stark.oh.us/internet/HOME.DisplayPage?v_page=djfs_adoption
Ohio 7 http://www.summitkids.org/FosterCareAdoption/ChildProfiles/tabid/77/Default.aspx
Ohio 8 http://www.sanduskycountydjfs.org/chsvc.htm
*Oklahoma http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Oregon http://boysandgirlsaid.org/programs/meet-wendys-wonderful-kids/
Oregon 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-or.html
Pennsylvania http://www.adoptpakids.org/hgLanding.asp
Rhode Island http://www.adoptionri.org/photolisting.html
*South Carolina http://www.scheartgallery.org/
South Dakota http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
South Dakota 2 http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/childrenwaiting/
*Tennessee
Texas http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search
Utah http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Utah 2 https://www.utdcfsadopt.org/docs/f.search.php
Vermont http://dcf.vermont.gov/projectfamily/adopting/children
*Virginia http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/ap/heart_galleries/index.cgi
Washington http://www.nwae.org/wait-wa.html
West Virginia http://www.wvdhhr.org/oss/adoption/arn/search.cfm
Wisconsin http://www.adoptionresourcesofwi.org/lib/kids.asp?bog=1&Beh=3&Lea=3&Dev=3&Phy=3&Emo=3
Wyoming http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
National Listings
CAP: http://www.capbook.org/meet.asp
Adopt America Network: http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/2003/children.html
AdoptUSKids: http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx
Photolistings.com: http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-adoption/advanced/
My social worker pointed us to Comeunity.org for their comprehensive list of photolistings. However, a lot of the links were broken, so I did some Googling to update stuff. This is my current list of state-specific websites; if a state does not have a link it means I could not track down anything through their DSS page.
All state's kids are listed at AdoptUSKids.org, but if a state has an asterisk* it means their DSS page links directly there.
The List - States are linked, URL listed to show you where you're going.
*Alabama
Alaska http://www.nwae.org/wait-aka.html
Arizona http://www.aask-az.org/mediagallery/index.html
Arkansas http://www.arkansas.gov/dhs/adoption/adoption.html
California http://www.cakidsconnection.com/FindChild.php
*Colorado http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Connecticut
*Delaware http://kids.delaware.gov/heartgallery/heartgallery.shtml
*DC
Florida http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/adoption/search/indexnew.asp
Georgia http://167.193.144.179/mtnmenu2.asp
Idaho http://www.idahowednesdayschild.org/index.php
Idaho 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-id.html
*Illinois
Indiana - broken link on dss
Iowa http://www.iakids.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=kids.list
Kansas https://www.adoptkskids.org/Ad_Exch_Quick_Search.aspx
Kentucky https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/snap/
*Louisiana http://www.dss.state.la.us/index.cfm?md=newsroom&tmp=category&catID=4
Maine http://www.afamilyforme.org/heart.html
*Maryland http://adoption.marylandmare.org/
Massachusetts http://extranet.mareinc.org/logon.aspx
Michigan http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html
Minnesota http://www.mnadopt.org/meetthekids.html
Minnesota 2 http://www10.co.hennepin.mn.us/csp/Adoptions/refinesearch.csp
Minnesota 3 http://www.co.ramsey.mn.us/hs/adoption/waitingchildren.htm
Mississippi - no dss link
Missouri http://www.kcchildren.org/
Missouri 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*Montana
Nebraska http://www.hhss.ne.gov/adoption/children.htm
Nebraska 2 http://www.nebraskaheartgallery.org/heartgallery.htm
Nevada http://www.co.washoe.nv.us/socsrv/socsrv_child_adoption_recruit.html
Nevada 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
*New Jersey
New Mexico http://www.heartgallerynm.org/child_all
New Mexico 2 http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
New York https://apps.ocfs.ny.gov/Adoption/Child/Search/Demographic.aspx
*North Carolina
*North Dakota
*Ohio
Ohio 2 http://www.athenschildrenservices.com/children
Ohio 3 http://www.co.franklin.oh.us/children_services/adoption/adoptable-kids/
Ohio 4 http://www.hcjfs.hamilton-co.org/hckids/
Ohio 5 http://www.marionkids.com/fosteradopt.htm
Ohio 6 http://www.co.stark.oh.us/internet/HOME.DisplayPage?v_page=djfs_adoption
Ohio 7 http://www.summitkids.org/FosterCareAdoption/ChildProfiles/tabid/77/Default.aspx
Ohio 8 http://www.sanduskycountydjfs.org/chsvc.htm
*Oklahoma http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Oregon http://boysandgirlsaid.org/programs/meet-wendys-wonderful-kids/
Oregon 2 http://www.nwae.org/wait-or.html
Pennsylvania http://www.adoptpakids.org/hgLanding.asp
Rhode Island http://www.adoptionri.org/photolisting.html
*South Carolina http://www.scheartgallery.org/
South Dakota http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
South Dakota 2 http://dss.sd.gov/adoption/childrenwaiting/
*Tennessee
Texas http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search
Utah http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
Utah 2 https://www.utdcfsadopt.org/docs/f.search.php
Vermont http://dcf.vermont.gov/projectfamily/adopting/children
*Virginia http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/ap/heart_galleries/index.cgi
Washington http://www.nwae.org/wait-wa.html
West Virginia http://www.wvdhhr.org/oss/adoption/arn/search.cfm
Wisconsin http://www.adoptionresourcesofwi.org/lib/kids.asp?bog=1&Beh=3&Lea=3&Dev=3&Phy=3&Emo=3
Wyoming http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wchildform
National Listings
CAP: http://www.capbook.org/meet.asp
Adopt America Network: http://www.adoptamericanetwork.org/2003/children.html
AdoptUSKids: http://www.adoptuskids.org/Child/ChildSearch.aspx
Photolistings.com: http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-adoption/advanced/
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Another sibling inquiry + waiting
I'm slowly finding a routine in checking photolistings and figuring out how each state's page looks and how to click the buttons faster. This is a good thing, since there's so many of them! ComeUnity.com (sounds like 'community', I'd imagine) has a catalog of national, state, and international photolistings, so I can spend a whole day just going through their list. Last night just before bed I went from A-N (because Ohio has 7 different sites and I wanted to start with that today.) For whatever reason I started over at L this morning and when I got to the Ms, there were two new siblings ages 2 and 5 who weren't there last night (and are so adorable... no, stop it, no falling in love with pictures, Jessica! Sigh.)
This website didn't have a 'click to inquire' button so I had to call, and I did so around 11:00 this morning. The nice lady who answered the phone told me that their person was on another line and could she please call me back? So I left my number, and went on my way tapping my fingers nervously. I hadn't heard back by 4:00 so I gave another call... a different nice lady answered and said their person was on another line. I explained that I had called this morning and she was on the phone then too, and that I was fine waiting if I had to but could I please have an email address to send my homestudy to so we could speed things up a little bit. She hesitated, explained that the lady had been on the phone the entire day with inquiries on these two kids, and that they had just updated the website to put them on hold!
But... because I had called this morning, she gave me an email address... and the kids' "person" called me back about half an hour later.
With the information we have so far, it sounds like a good match. However, there's a family member who may want them, and family always comes first. They are gathering homestudies to have faster options if that family member says no, but we wait until the end of August to find that out. The person I spoke with was "their person" at the... agency?... recruiting place?... I'm not sure what that organization's role is... but the children's DSS social worker will get our study from them tomorrow morning. Apparently we have a few specific things that they're looking for that other folks she talked with didn't.
In the meantime, though, we have 7 different cases we're waiting to hear back on, 4 of which are sibling groups of 2. We wait. And we wait some more. And send an email, or make a call, and wait to hear back, and then maybe we'll wait a bit. While this process has always been one of waiting, the latest governmental budgetary choices have cut social worker salaries and hours and laid off a lot of folks, so employed workers who already had too many cases now have double what they had. Makes for a whole lot more waiting... which is probably why the woman I spoke to today worked through lunch.
This website didn't have a 'click to inquire' button so I had to call, and I did so around 11:00 this morning. The nice lady who answered the phone told me that their person was on another line and could she please call me back? So I left my number, and went on my way tapping my fingers nervously. I hadn't heard back by 4:00 so I gave another call... a different nice lady answered and said their person was on another line. I explained that I had called this morning and she was on the phone then too, and that I was fine waiting if I had to but could I please have an email address to send my homestudy to so we could speed things up a little bit. She hesitated, explained that the lady had been on the phone the entire day with inquiries on these two kids, and that they had just updated the website to put them on hold!
But... because I had called this morning, she gave me an email address... and the kids' "person" called me back about half an hour later.
With the information we have so far, it sounds like a good match. However, there's a family member who may want them, and family always comes first. They are gathering homestudies to have faster options if that family member says no, but we wait until the end of August to find that out. The person I spoke with was "their person" at the... agency?... recruiting place?... I'm not sure what that organization's role is... but the children's DSS social worker will get our study from them tomorrow morning. Apparently we have a few specific things that they're looking for that other folks she talked with didn't.
In the meantime, though, we have 7 different cases we're waiting to hear back on, 4 of which are sibling groups of 2. We wait. And we wait some more. And send an email, or make a call, and wait to hear back, and then maybe we'll wait a bit. While this process has always been one of waiting, the latest governmental budgetary choices have cut social worker salaries and hours and laid off a lot of folks, so employed workers who already had too many cases now have double what they had. Makes for a whole lot more waiting... which is probably why the woman I spoke to today worked through lunch.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
First Contact
Yesterday marks the first time we were contacted by a recruiter (basically contracted social workers) for a child we did not know about. This is a good thing in a general sense; we wanted to get our name out there so that this exact thing could happen. There is a six month old girl available in Oregon, and this woman thought of us. The tricky thing is that the baby's birth parents and siblings/half-siblings (already adopted separately) have or show evidence of various health concerns that are difficult, if not impossible, to diagnose in a 6 month old baby.
So what happens is that first the recruiter gave us a small sampling of the information she had in her initial email. We replied that we were interested in more info, and she gave us the rest of what she had. But she's just a recruiter; so this afternoon (after consulting a few people) we decided to agree to submitting our home study to the baby's social worker. That worker will give us just a little bit more information, and then when they're done waiting for home study submissions they'll choose three or so (depends on the state) as finalists who will get a lot more information. The baby will be going through formal developmental evaluations "in August" (meaning 3 weeks or 7, we don't know) to determine if she needs any diagnoses or meds or whatever. At that point, if we're still in the running, we'll be able to know the results of that evaluation... I think. We can back out at any time... I think they're less strict about visitations and whatnot when the child is younger, so that's in our favor... especially since she's across the country... but again, depends on the state.
That's what's up right now. We're walking the balance of wanting to hope but not allowing it because there's so many variables and enough concerns to weigh in the situation, but quite a few things in its favor that we hadn't expected to open to us. Please pump up the prayer volume while we're "proceeding with extreme caution", both emotionally and with the actual paperwork and decision making.
So what happens is that first the recruiter gave us a small sampling of the information she had in her initial email. We replied that we were interested in more info, and she gave us the rest of what she had. But she's just a recruiter; so this afternoon (after consulting a few people) we decided to agree to submitting our home study to the baby's social worker. That worker will give us just a little bit more information, and then when they're done waiting for home study submissions they'll choose three or so (depends on the state) as finalists who will get a lot more information. The baby will be going through formal developmental evaluations "in August" (meaning 3 weeks or 7, we don't know) to determine if she needs any diagnoses or meds or whatever. At that point, if we're still in the running, we'll be able to know the results of that evaluation... I think. We can back out at any time... I think they're less strict about visitations and whatnot when the child is younger, so that's in our favor... especially since she's across the country... but again, depends on the state.
That's what's up right now. We're walking the balance of wanting to hope but not allowing it because there's so many variables and enough concerns to weigh in the situation, but quite a few things in its favor that we hadn't expected to open to us. Please pump up the prayer volume while we're "proceeding with extreme caution", both emotionally and with the actual paperwork and decision making.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
June already...
I recently realized that I hadn't written an update here since the homestudy was finalized. While part of that is because life simply got busy, or that we needed to have experienced something to write about, another part is due to a renewed sense of discomfort about the direction we're heading in. These kinds of feelings ebb and flow for me depending on the day, and I have been told repeatedly that the process of adoption is simply uncomfortable and intrusive and anxiety-filled, so we'd been trying not to put too much stock in it. Unfortunately, it still makes it difficult to hop online and blog things out for everyone.
Since we're new to this whole process, it seems wise to hire an agency (and social worker) to help us through the legalities and understanding what steps need to be taken so that we aren't taken advantage of or make any innocent mis-steps that get us into trouble legally or financially; thus our having signed with Bethany. We're following the directions of our social worker. But we're also, of course, trying to be aware of the subtle nudgings of God for our direction - we specifically chose a Christian agency in hopes that those elements will work together. Told that we needed to get the word out, we made the flyers that I posted about before. After that first initial "campaign" (only about a week) of sharing those with everyone, I felt strangely as though I needed to forget about it... became extremely self-conscious, and still am. A few weeks later it occurred to me that a full-sheet flyer is very difficult to share physically with people, so I sat down and designed business cards at one of those free sites, with all our adoption info on it so I could carry them in my purse. I got as far as the "submit order" button and realized I was NOT supposed to be doing this.... the best I can describe it is that the uncomfortable feeling turned to a disgust feeling and an inexplicable desire to run away from my computer. God seems to be telling me not to be yelling from the rooftops quite yet, and we have no idea why.
In the meantime, we began our search for children. Children in the care of the state are usually listed in an online database that, in most cases, includes photos; the databases are called Photolistings. There are a couple of national level photolistings - adoptuskids.org and photolistings.adoption.com - that I check a few times a week. There are some regional listings and adoption exchanges that cover a small handful of states, like nwae.org that covers some states in the North-West. Each state's Department of Child Services (or family services, or whatever that state calls it) has a photolisting, and some states have a photolisting available per county instead of one for the whole state. Then there are private organizations such as the Heart Gallery, which travels around to do advertising of hard-to-place kids in a physical location like an art gallery would show art, and Wednesday's Child, which features hard-to-place kids on TV during the news in different cities. This amounts to potentially 70+ websites that we could spend time searching through; though some children are repeated (some kids on the IL site could also be on the Heart Gallery or a national photolisting, for example). The purpose of looking through photolistings is to find a child who fits your criteria; unfortunately, some states are not allowed to post much of any useful information online, or only show the kids that have been in the system the longest, while other states list every single child in the state's custody, even if they're not adoptable for some reason. So in most cases we click a button, if we see a child we want more information about, and we wait to see how their social worker responds. Sometimes the social worker may not even hear from us... some agencies and departments sub-contract to another company to handle and forward the initial inquiries.
Which brings us to part of our despondency. We have set our criteria as broadly as is realistic for our family so that, if God decides a particular child is best for us, there would be fewer human road blocks. Kind of silly, thinking that tightened boundaries would limit God... I certainly don't think I have the power to do that... and yet, it seemed right at the time. We've begun to review our criteria, and I'm struggling with guilt of 'closing doors' just to fit the kind of family that I want. As it stands, our criteria are set to cover realistically what we could handle and are trained to handle, even if we don't really want to handle it. We're trying to be realistic; we wouldn't even get any kind of choice if we were going about this a bit more traditionally. Lanse also points out that God favors the willing, so in tightening our boundaries are we childishly saying no to God? We're talking, praying, reading, seeking His will. We're seeking wise counsel... meeting with our priest on Thursday to see how he might help us interpret what we're feeling and hearing.
In the meantime, we are maintaining our present course until we hear definitively otherwise. A couple of weeks ago, I once again sat down to look through photolistings, and a sense of hopelessness and despair just washed over me; I felt that the only possible way to welcome a peaceful and fun-loving child into our home would be to seriously stress our abilities in other areas... the kind of child that we want is simply not present in the photolistings. There's a big sense that we're making due to fit a philosophy we held when we began years ago that, frankly, I'm not sure I'm as convinced of anymore. But that Sunday I had spent in meditation, praying for guidance, questioning over and over why God very clearly brought us to this moment and nothing was happening. We were stalled for no apparent reason. I sat in front of my computer with children's faces on the screen, none of them mine, feeling chained to it... I couldn't close the window or let go of this desperate need to just DO something...and suddenly the answer just dropped quietly into my head: "She's not ready yet." And suddenly I was calm again and could move on to other things.
We're meant to wait; whoever "she" is, God is doing a work in her. It could be our child (we've both night-dreamed about a girl), it could be a birth mother or a foster mother, it could be a social worker... He could even mean me, and I'm trying to carefully assess myself just in case. But we know that the entire process is one of waiting, and that message didn't tell us to stop inquiring on children or looking at photos. We were not told to stop following our social worker's direction. So we've continued to look, and at one point I even felt drawn to the computer, compelled to look... and inquired on a child who did not fit the stated criteria but it just felt right to inquire. An infant, she was listed and removed from listing in three hours and was no longer available when I spoke to her social worker. I'm not sure what the purpose of the insistant feeling was in this case, but perhaps we'll find out.
I'm keeping a database of all the children for whom we've submitted inquiries. It's important to keep track so that we don't inquire multiple times on different sites, so we know when we sent a release of information form for each child, the date we hear from their worker, the date Bert sends our homestudy, and the child's adoptability status. Today there's 32 line items in the database, with 13 sibling groups, for a total of 45 children. Of those 45, only about 5 of them are current in the last two weeks, and we've heard back on 16 of them, all not available or a poor match. The rest of them... no idea. And most of them were inquiries made in the first two weeks of May. So far, things are proceeding as we were promised... no news is simply no news.
Our social worker has also been having some difficulties which support God's plan for us to be waiting a bit. A friend of hers died out of town, when she got back from that trip the agency had installed a new email server system thing (she couldn't describe it to me very well) that made all the email bounce, and the week after that something happened at her house with electric or plumbing that meant she had to be home for someone to dig up her entire front yard. One thing after another is keeping her from working on our process.. or really that of all her clients. So we call and wait and wait and call and inquire and see what may happen next. After her email snafu, it's likely that some of the replies to our inquiries are sitting in her computer somewhere.
And that's what's happened in the last nearly-two months. This week has put an interesting spin on my thoughts, as I'm working every morning with the preschoolers (ages 3-5, our target adoption ages) at Kids' Kamp, our church's Vacation Bible School program. One of my favorite adopted kids from church (international adoption) is finally old enough to attend, and it's been a joy to have him. We'll be heading to New York for the July 4 weekend and week after, but I'll hopefully have it in me to post an update before we leave.
Please pray that we will be given peace and a firm confidence in what God wants us to do. I'm looking for an action direction, clear and precise. If He wants to initiate the Large Neon Arrow approach, that'd be fantastic. But whatever works, so long as Lanse and I are clear and of one mind.
We very much appreciate your prayers and support.
Since we're new to this whole process, it seems wise to hire an agency (and social worker) to help us through the legalities and understanding what steps need to be taken so that we aren't taken advantage of or make any innocent mis-steps that get us into trouble legally or financially; thus our having signed with Bethany. We're following the directions of our social worker. But we're also, of course, trying to be aware of the subtle nudgings of God for our direction - we specifically chose a Christian agency in hopes that those elements will work together. Told that we needed to get the word out, we made the flyers that I posted about before. After that first initial "campaign" (only about a week) of sharing those with everyone, I felt strangely as though I needed to forget about it... became extremely self-conscious, and still am. A few weeks later it occurred to me that a full-sheet flyer is very difficult to share physically with people, so I sat down and designed business cards at one of those free sites, with all our adoption info on it so I could carry them in my purse. I got as far as the "submit order" button and realized I was NOT supposed to be doing this.... the best I can describe it is that the uncomfortable feeling turned to a disgust feeling and an inexplicable desire to run away from my computer. God seems to be telling me not to be yelling from the rooftops quite yet, and we have no idea why.
In the meantime, we began our search for children. Children in the care of the state are usually listed in an online database that, in most cases, includes photos; the databases are called Photolistings. There are a couple of national level photolistings - adoptuskids.org and photolistings.adoption.com - that I check a few times a week. There are some regional listings and adoption exchanges that cover a small handful of states, like nwae.org that covers some states in the North-West. Each state's Department of Child Services (or family services, or whatever that state calls it) has a photolisting, and some states have a photolisting available per county instead of one for the whole state. Then there are private organizations such as the Heart Gallery, which travels around to do advertising of hard-to-place kids in a physical location like an art gallery would show art, and Wednesday's Child, which features hard-to-place kids on TV during the news in different cities. This amounts to potentially 70+ websites that we could spend time searching through; though some children are repeated (some kids on the IL site could also be on the Heart Gallery or a national photolisting, for example). The purpose of looking through photolistings is to find a child who fits your criteria; unfortunately, some states are not allowed to post much of any useful information online, or only show the kids that have been in the system the longest, while other states list every single child in the state's custody, even if they're not adoptable for some reason. So in most cases we click a button, if we see a child we want more information about, and we wait to see how their social worker responds. Sometimes the social worker may not even hear from us... some agencies and departments sub-contract to another company to handle and forward the initial inquiries.
Which brings us to part of our despondency. We have set our criteria as broadly as is realistic for our family so that, if God decides a particular child is best for us, there would be fewer human road blocks. Kind of silly, thinking that tightened boundaries would limit God... I certainly don't think I have the power to do that... and yet, it seemed right at the time. We've begun to review our criteria, and I'm struggling with guilt of 'closing doors' just to fit the kind of family that I want. As it stands, our criteria are set to cover realistically what we could handle and are trained to handle, even if we don't really want to handle it. We're trying to be realistic; we wouldn't even get any kind of choice if we were going about this a bit more traditionally. Lanse also points out that God favors the willing, so in tightening our boundaries are we childishly saying no to God? We're talking, praying, reading, seeking His will. We're seeking wise counsel... meeting with our priest on Thursday to see how he might help us interpret what we're feeling and hearing.
In the meantime, we are maintaining our present course until we hear definitively otherwise. A couple of weeks ago, I once again sat down to look through photolistings, and a sense of hopelessness and despair just washed over me; I felt that the only possible way to welcome a peaceful and fun-loving child into our home would be to seriously stress our abilities in other areas... the kind of child that we want is simply not present in the photolistings. There's a big sense that we're making due to fit a philosophy we held when we began years ago that, frankly, I'm not sure I'm as convinced of anymore. But that Sunday I had spent in meditation, praying for guidance, questioning over and over why God very clearly brought us to this moment and nothing was happening. We were stalled for no apparent reason. I sat in front of my computer with children's faces on the screen, none of them mine, feeling chained to it... I couldn't close the window or let go of this desperate need to just DO something...and suddenly the answer just dropped quietly into my head: "She's not ready yet." And suddenly I was calm again and could move on to other things.
We're meant to wait; whoever "she" is, God is doing a work in her. It could be our child (we've both night-dreamed about a girl), it could be a birth mother or a foster mother, it could be a social worker... He could even mean me, and I'm trying to carefully assess myself just in case. But we know that the entire process is one of waiting, and that message didn't tell us to stop inquiring on children or looking at photos. We were not told to stop following our social worker's direction. So we've continued to look, and at one point I even felt drawn to the computer, compelled to look... and inquired on a child who did not fit the stated criteria but it just felt right to inquire. An infant, she was listed and removed from listing in three hours and was no longer available when I spoke to her social worker. I'm not sure what the purpose of the insistant feeling was in this case, but perhaps we'll find out.
I'm keeping a database of all the children for whom we've submitted inquiries. It's important to keep track so that we don't inquire multiple times on different sites, so we know when we sent a release of information form for each child, the date we hear from their worker, the date Bert sends our homestudy, and the child's adoptability status. Today there's 32 line items in the database, with 13 sibling groups, for a total of 45 children. Of those 45, only about 5 of them are current in the last two weeks, and we've heard back on 16 of them, all not available or a poor match. The rest of them... no idea. And most of them were inquiries made in the first two weeks of May. So far, things are proceeding as we were promised... no news is simply no news.
Our social worker has also been having some difficulties which support God's plan for us to be waiting a bit. A friend of hers died out of town, when she got back from that trip the agency had installed a new email server system thing (she couldn't describe it to me very well) that made all the email bounce, and the week after that something happened at her house with electric or plumbing that meant she had to be home for someone to dig up her entire front yard. One thing after another is keeping her from working on our process.. or really that of all her clients. So we call and wait and wait and call and inquire and see what may happen next. After her email snafu, it's likely that some of the replies to our inquiries are sitting in her computer somewhere.
And that's what's happened in the last nearly-two months. This week has put an interesting spin on my thoughts, as I'm working every morning with the preschoolers (ages 3-5, our target adoption ages) at Kids' Kamp, our church's Vacation Bible School program. One of my favorite adopted kids from church (international adoption) is finally old enough to attend, and it's been a joy to have him. We'll be heading to New York for the July 4 weekend and week after, but I'll hopefully have it in me to post an update before we leave.
Please pray that we will be given peace and a firm confidence in what God wants us to do. I'm looking for an action direction, clear and precise. If He wants to initiate the Large Neon Arrow approach, that'd be fantastic. But whatever works, so long as Lanse and I are clear and of one mind.
We very much appreciate your prayers and support.
Monday, May 4, 2009
HOMESTUDY READY!
WE'RE HOMESTUDY READY!!!
The ball is now mostly in our court; we will spend all our waking hours pouring over photolistings from all over the country and networking with social workers. The plan is to get the word out as much as possible, but unfortunately there is a whole world of scammers and illegal 'selling children' activity out there, so we're trying to keep our contacts clearly within social worker domains. That means that if you hear of someone with a child available within our criteria, we would love to know... but we need to have either our social worker contact theirs or theirs contact ours; we don't want any random phone calls to our house! Please be considerate about that, as many of you know us personally.
If you are a (or have any connection to a) social worker, we have a one-page profile sheet that we'd like to share. We're looking for any kind of connection that may even be second- or third-hand just to get our name circulating; so far I've thought of educators, clergy, and pediatric medical professionals as contact sources as well as folks who are directly in the social or family services professions. Our profile sheet basically describes us in a nutshell and the kind of child (or children) we feel would fit our family well, and provides contact information for receiving a copy of our homestudy from Bert at Bethany. We can email it or snail-mail it to you, whatever is most convenient. Oddly enough, though we are definitely wanting to follow any leads, we are beginning outside of South Carolina because of the way in which the state to agency interactions work. This makes the networking a little more difficult since we can't just drop by to local places, so your willingess to help is truly valued!
Thanks so much for all your prayers and support. Keep it coming... the hard part's just beginning!
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