Land of Confusion

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about a Genesis song, I'm talking about our life.  Our six week placement is now running a week past four months, and while things appear to be rolling forward, it's potentially across different ground than we first supposed.  But we really don't know, and we continue to pretend that we're their forever home so that we can complete required things like pre-registering for school, and we continue to pretend they're going home tomorrow so that we can emotionally keep the distance we need to keep for when they do.  Completely crazy.  Next Thursday we will go to court to speak on their behalf. It was supposed to be the day that dad gained custody, but he has been unable to meet the requirements set within the time frame for him to do so.  Court will still be held, in order to begin paperwork for freeing them for adoption.  We are wobbling all over the emotional spectrum when we think of that, so we're mostly poking it gently to see it wobble or trying to ignore it until the Judge has his say and things are more definite.

Since our last post, SU2.10 is now SU3.025. He had a birthday!  Since we're allowed to visit with their dad whenever we (all) care to arrange it, we had a nice little cake and presents at McDonald's [never had SO MUCH McD's in my LIFE, but it's the only indoor playground we know of].  SU3.11's birthday is next month, so we'll be having a joint friends party next weekend at the park and hopefully we'll see dad again at the end of the month.

SU3.11 is now mostly potty trained, which is a God-send in more than one way... not being potty trained meant that daycare required he stay in the 2 yr old classroom,  which was strongly contributing to delays in social and language skills.  He moved up this week, and then his new teacher had to go to a funeral, so hopefully he'll get more of a feel for her style next week.  Unfortunately, they both need (in both my parental and professional opinion) to go to daycare 3+ mornings a week for therapeutic purposes but the state only pays for daycare if both of us are employed.  So we only schedule what fits our budget.

There've been a lot of transitions in the last two weeks, in large part due to the birthday. In SC (I don't know if this is national), there's one therapy service provider for kids ages 0 through 3, and when they turn 3, they test them and release them to a different agency. SU3.025 tested way beyond developmental level - frankly, he's brilliant - and so all of his therapies except one stopped on his birthday.  Both boys have suddenly made enormous strides in their skills, finally feeling safe enough to begin to build self-confidence.

We also began taking them to a counselor for play therapy to process trauma, something that the state does not consider necessary for foster children as far as we can tell [can anyone tell me why they have an emotional therapist on staff for adoptable children but not for foster kids??), and also something that Medicaid does not pay for for young children.  (They do cover "mental health" but if we're specifically looking for play therapy, it's up to each therapist if they accept it, and none of the ones I can find do.) Play therapy focuses on the therapist or parent (there's a 'do it at home' version, called filial therapy) allowing the child to choose the play, and using the time simply to learn the child's groove. Allow them to do whatever they like, given the toys and environment that you've carefully arranged, and they begin to act out what's inside of them. We've already seen some very concerning patterns in the play for both boys, but part of the (very difficult) process is not drawing any conclusions.  It's simply the safe environment to allow them to process.  It also exhausts them, so the day of and the day after are usually pretty awful behaviorally.

Finally, we've also been sick.  Two weeks ago tonight the stomach flu began, and didn't end until last Friday.  We had two days off and SU3.11 started coughing and then spiked a fever on Wednesday night.  Now SU3.025 is coughing, though no one went to bed tonight with a fever.  The weather's also been wacky, which doesn't help.

Whereas they used to be all one thing or another, now we're a pretty even mix of behaviors edging towards (at least the last few days) good choices. I was able to kick them outside (79 degrees and sunshine!) all morning yesterday and they played nicely while I did laundry and other things.  I was really proud of them.  So we're getting there.

Please keep praying!