We've been journeying along the adoption path emotionally and mentally over the last five years or so, each at a different point along the path. I'm generally the 'jump in and go' type, whereas Lanse needs time to really soak in the ideas that I keep throwing at him.
Generally people think about adoption as firstly a trip to Russia or China or Guatemala, secondly as finding a birthmother to provide an infant for us, and finally, as 'oh, those poor crazy people, God bless them, adopting messed-up kids from the state!'
We started out on the birthmother route. For me, the emphasis was about me -becoming- a mother, as opposed to -being- a mother. If I couldn't birth a child myself, I wanted to get as close as I could to the experience: planning the nursery, seeing the ultrasounds, feeling the kicks, being in delivery, cutting the cord. These are all things that would fulfill my need in becoming a mother. I think there's enough evidence of almost a spirit-bond in utero that makes that response natural to anyone who realizes they can't have that choice. But seriously, count the 'I's and 'Me's in this paragraph. Plus, having a birthmother situation wherein the birthfather is known provides the best situation for replacing the type of birth I couldn't have. Everyone wants the ideal.
I started thinking of international adoption as I realized how self focused I was. Slowly I began to realize that adoption isn't about me, it's about family and children. My focus changed to the children and their needs, but somehow still focused on myself. We can go to Europe and adopt sad little abandoned orphan kids who need us, so long as they're our color, and aren't too old so that I can take care of them properly... and can't have any faults, since we really can't afford it. Somehow the sad little malnourished orphans in other countries need us more. Jesus taught us to love and care for widows and orphans.
Somehow, mulling and praying over that last sentance brought me to this weekend. I stumbled randomly onto the New York Child Services website, into the Available Children Photolisting, and I was struck suddenly by the realization that we have orphans -right here-. There are 633 children in New York State that are photolisted on the website. There are more who don't get photolisted. People are afraid of these children because many of them are older, and the assumption is that most of them have gone through trauma of some kind.
Yes, there are definitely children of that type, many with moderate to severe physical needs, and any orphaned child will struggle with abandonment issues. But there are children there with no problems except that they have a brother or sister, or that they aren't cute with chubby baby cheeks. What about the (theoretical) two kids whose parents died in a car accident or a fire? Sure there's trauma, but no more than my womb-born child could experience being in a car accident or having one of the family die.
Christ taught the early church to care for the widows and orphans, and a lot of emphasis is put on going out into the square with change, or bringing in wandering street children. Not many people realize that they went out into the square because they already cared for their own people. Early Christians had few possessions, lived either together or in close proximity, provided for and shared with one another. It was the true ideal concept of, perhaps, a commune... a true community. They took care of their own, and -then- moved to the world around them.
So suddenly we find ourselves here through prayer, with a new conviction to begin differently. I've had a number of years working in an educational setting and now feel that we have the skills and connections to provide for a child with more needs than when we began. We put in an email to Child Services here, hoping at the very least to begin the homestudy. We're talking about children age 7 or younger, possibly siblings (no more than two, due to bedroom space). We have time to make those decisions, but less time than we used to. It's terrifying and terribly exciting all at once.Please keep our journey in prayer.
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