Bert will come and do the final home study meeting here at our house on December 4th, around 10:00 in the morning. We need to have as much completed for the inspections as possible, since she'll be serving as sort of a pre-inspection as well as doing other things. She'll offer her opinion on what things we may have to deal with for the inspection, like whether or not we have to dismantle the play structure for it, that kind of thing.
The head of Women's Ministry at church emailed me that there's a bag of child proofing things waiting for me there. Yay! Support is wonderful. I'll pick that up on Friday when I go for Bible Study, we'll put it all into action, and then see what we have left. I also need to see when Nancy can have me come down and pick up the baby gates from her, now that Lanse isn't in the office predictably enough for them to exchange at work.
We also got Bert's approval for the online classes we found at Foster Parent College, so we'll be signing up for some learning as soon as we can sit in one place together and decide on which class we want.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Adoption Blog Creation Day
Welcome to our new Tryon adoption blog. I've spent the last few hours transferring all my previous adoption-related blog posts to this one. If you want to start at the beginning, here's the first official post.
For today's update, I sent an email to Bert yesterday for a status report. I gave her mine, and I'm waiting to hear back to schedule her visit here. In the meantime, we discovered Foster Parent College, where we can take the required training courses and get a certificate for reasonable prices. I've also created a profile at Foster Care Central.* I'm excited to get started, but this week we're heading to Charlotte to see CR and Rachel and Kaylee, so when we get back hopefully we can tip the ball down at least a little of the hill.
*Yes, these all say 'Foster Care'. We're now sort-of-officially-but-not-really on the 'foster-adopt' track, and all the resources are shared freely between all of the different areas... but the majority of what I've been able to find so far have been filed under foster care. So we're going for it. I mean, like-minded parenting support is like-minded parenting support, wherever you get it.
For today's update, I sent an email to Bert yesterday for a status report. I gave her mine, and I'm waiting to hear back to schedule her visit here. In the meantime, we discovered Foster Parent College, where we can take the required training courses and get a certificate for reasonable prices. I've also created a profile at Foster Care Central.* I'm excited to get started, but this week we're heading to Charlotte to see CR and Rachel and Kaylee, so when we get back hopefully we can tip the ball down at least a little of the hill.
*Yes, these all say 'Foster Care'. We're now sort-of-officially-but-not-really on the 'foster-adopt' track, and all the resources are shared freely between all of the different areas... but the majority of what I've been able to find so far have been filed under foster care. So we're going for it. I mean, like-minded parenting support is like-minded parenting support, wherever you get it.
About Us
Jessica had a rocky start in a Western suburb of Chicago, but managed to pull through just fine. In Second Grade, the family (Mom, Dad, she and her little brother) moved to Minnesota, where they stayed until after she had gone to college, met Lanse, got married, and moved away to New York. She enjoys reading books and blogs, hanging out at church, painting metal toy soldiers, quilting and knitting, playing the piano, and playing with kids. She has a degree in Child Development, with a concentration in Preschool, and is enjoying applying her knowledge to help her kids.
This family would not be complete without the "furbabies" they love. Colin is the oldest, but also the smallest; white, with orange spots and orange rings on his tail. He is very independent, but likes to curl up under the covers at bedtime and purr very loudly. He also has started to play more by throwing toys in the air and doing flips trying to catch them. He also plays soccer with Spook. [Colin passed away in December, 2010. We miss him dreadfully.] Spook is the middle cat, but he's the largest, grey and lightly striped. He's sort of like a clueless gentle giant; he loves being snuggled and loved, but tends to squish smaller things by accident while loving them. He's also the hunter, and likes to catch small animals if he has the chance. He enjoys being in the room with his people and eating. Spook will eat almost anything. Finally, Kira is the youngest. She's all black except for a white patch on her tummy, and a few white individual hairs around her neck. She's shy and likes to spend most of her time on the screened porch watching the birds, mostly because the old folks (boy cats) tend to smack her when she tries to play with them. She's delicate and prim, but does have times when she likes to interact with her people. She also likes to talk a lot. All of our cats are very gentle with the children, and grateful for having two such dedicated humans to be such wonderful servants, though sometimes they can be a little snooty about it.
Tryon Adoption Story
Like many folk, we're on the road to adoption! It's been in process now for a few years, in one form or another. Our thoughts and experiences have been scattered randomly across the internet, so I thought it was about time to condense it all into one location. I'll be posting as much of it as I can find from my livejournal account so that everyone can start from the beginning with us.
Welcome!
Welcome!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
October 14, 2008
Indecision
The more I browse and think and learn via email groups, the more I'm realizing I really want a girl. I know that I can love little boys too, and the wait for a girl is incredibly long, (more so the younger you want), plus if we were just to get pregnant, we wouldn't have a choice. So I don't know that it's worth saying anything about it. But I feel like I understand girls better, and while I know there are sports-oriented girls, I oddly feel like I can handle that better than sports-oriented boys. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with little boys, but all the ones that I have known have been very physical without a whole lot of reasoning skills. That makes me nervous, I don't know quite how to relate to it. Granted, the younger they are the more we can influence that sort of thing to some extent. And it's not just a sports thing, that's just an area in which the kind of thing I'm talking about often appears. I just tend to 'get' a higher percentage of girls than I do boys.
I also find myself still very drawn towards sibling groups (just 2), partly because we know we eventually want two anyway and I really don't want to go through this crazy government process again, and also because I feel like if there's two kids who are good at relying on each other it'd be some sort of comfort for the transition. Plus, ya know, I like kids. Since we're also looking at out-of-state adoption, I worry about the impact of removing an already-wounded child from everyone that's familiar to them. When I moved to NY it was by choice to an extended (married in) family that loved me, but no one really understood me at all; the only evidence of my past was my stuff (which many adopted kids come without), and even though I was an adult who had control over the situation it took a long hard time for me to get through it. I can only imagine what it would be like for a 5 year old kid feeling that kind of thing. I think having a brother or sister along for the ride would be a major benefit for them in an out-of-state, too-far-to-visit-often situation.
Oddly, I'm also finding myself drawn to pre-teen girls. Yes, I know, pre-teen girls are traditionally crazy even when they're not adopted kids. What in the world am I thinking?? Yes, older kids have gone through a lot, and there's a lot of physical risk when older kids decide to throw some kind of fit or something. Yes, there's hormones and other random stuff that comes with that. But we have five pre-teen/teenager friends (kids of friends, and other kids who show up to play games at the game store, some from crazy broken up home lives) who we get along with really well. We seem to really understand issues facing them (these specific ones, anyway) which even a lot of traditional style parents don't. We obviously wouldn't take just anyone, but according to what I've been reading, there are some older kids out there who are aware of their situations, able to reason and (within age-appropriate limits) make reasonable choices, want to work with the therapists and take their meds, who really just want to succeed, but nobody wants them because of their age. Yes, of course it'll be hard, but they're kids... all kids are hard, just in different ways at different stages. I feel like, chosen carefully, we have something to offer.
So all of this is to say that I'm very unsettled! None of what I've written here actually fits the paperwork we filled out. And obviously we don't want to get in over our heads; we must be able to provide for all the needs of whatever children we have in our home. But I feel like 'one toddler boy' could maybe not be the direction we're meant to be gearing up for.
When we pray for guidance, make choices based on the options available and then pray for peace, and peace is not forthcoming, doesn't that mean that perhaps we should reevaluate the choices?
The more I browse and think and learn via email groups, the more I'm realizing I really want a girl. I know that I can love little boys too, and the wait for a girl is incredibly long, (more so the younger you want), plus if we were just to get pregnant, we wouldn't have a choice. So I don't know that it's worth saying anything about it. But I feel like I understand girls better, and while I know there are sports-oriented girls, I oddly feel like I can handle that better than sports-oriented boys. I haven't had a whole lot of experience with little boys, but all the ones that I have known have been very physical without a whole lot of reasoning skills. That makes me nervous, I don't know quite how to relate to it. Granted, the younger they are the more we can influence that sort of thing to some extent. And it's not just a sports thing, that's just an area in which the kind of thing I'm talking about often appears. I just tend to 'get' a higher percentage of girls than I do boys.
I also find myself still very drawn towards sibling groups (just 2), partly because we know we eventually want two anyway and I really don't want to go through this crazy government process again, and also because I feel like if there's two kids who are good at relying on each other it'd be some sort of comfort for the transition. Plus, ya know, I like kids. Since we're also looking at out-of-state adoption, I worry about the impact of removing an already-wounded child from everyone that's familiar to them. When I moved to NY it was by choice to an extended (married in) family that loved me, but no one really understood me at all; the only evidence of my past was my stuff (which many adopted kids come without), and even though I was an adult who had control over the situation it took a long hard time for me to get through it. I can only imagine what it would be like for a 5 year old kid feeling that kind of thing. I think having a brother or sister along for the ride would be a major benefit for them in an out-of-state, too-far-to-visit-often situation.
Oddly, I'm also finding myself drawn to pre-teen girls. Yes, I know, pre-teen girls are traditionally crazy even when they're not adopted kids. What in the world am I thinking?? Yes, older kids have gone through a lot, and there's a lot of physical risk when older kids decide to throw some kind of fit or something. Yes, there's hormones and other random stuff that comes with that. But we have five pre-teen/teenager friends (kids of friends, and other kids who show up to play games at the game store, some from crazy broken up home lives) who we get along with really well. We seem to really understand issues facing them (these specific ones, anyway) which even a lot of traditional style parents don't. We obviously wouldn't take just anyone, but according to what I've been reading, there are some older kids out there who are aware of their situations, able to reason and (within age-appropriate limits) make reasonable choices, want to work with the therapists and take their meds, who really just want to succeed, but nobody wants them because of their age. Yes, of course it'll be hard, but they're kids... all kids are hard, just in different ways at different stages. I feel like, chosen carefully, we have something to offer.
So all of this is to say that I'm very unsettled! None of what I've written here actually fits the paperwork we filled out. And obviously we don't want to get in over our heads; we must be able to provide for all the needs of whatever children we have in our home. But I feel like 'one toddler boy' could maybe not be the direction we're meant to be gearing up for.
When we pray for guidance, make choices based on the options available and then pray for peace, and peace is not forthcoming, doesn't that mean that perhaps we should reevaluate the choices?
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