January foster care meeting

This morning we met with the head of foster care in Dorchester County to work on getting our license. We showed her the house, did some paperwork, talked about our hopes for our child, had a lot of questions answered. Also learned that we have to complete the auto-biography, the 10 page essay question document that the adoption office didn't need us to do for the third time. But apparently, the foster office can't use the home study as a replacement for it, so we have to do it anyway. My hands aren't used to writing so much, and my index finger swelled up a lot by page seven. The swelling's gone down over the last couple of hours, but it's very stiff; I had hoped to be finished writing today so we can send this off tomorrow, but we'll see how much more my finger joints can take.

Thankfully, she was exceptionally optimistic. She seemed to like what she saw, and as we finished up talking about what children we're most interested in parenting, she said, "I've got just the situation in mind!" So either she simply understands what we want, or she's actually got a child somewhere waiting for our license. Either way, it's good to know that there's really hope this way. So we'll see what happens!

We also got details on boring necessities like a breakdown of stipend monies, birthparent visitation, and DSS visitation, the details of which I won't bore you with. If you really want to know them, send me email.

Please continue to pray that the child God has for us is ready, and that He thinks we're ready too... and that He'll make the system move it all along quickly... we're very tired of waiting!

Stuff-Gathering

As we intend to be foster parents, but don't know what age or gender our child will be, we're collecting up things as folks offer or we come across good deals. Since I know there's going to be some folks who want, (over the course of holidays or whatnot), to gift us things, I figured a list of stuff we already have - or specifically need - may be helpful. I'll try to keep it updated as we go along.

Clothes:
*Note: clothes may, in many cases, go home with the child so we may need to have a continuous supply in each category. With that in mind, even if we "have some" we may still need some eventually.

Unisex Winter 0-6 mo. - needed
Unisex Winter 6-12 mo. - needed
Unisex Winter 12+ mo. - have some
Girl stuff Winter 0-6 mo. - have some

Girl stuff Winter 6-12 mo. - have someGirl stuff Winter 12+ mo. - have some

Unisex Summer 0-6 mo. - needed
Unisex Summer 6-12 mo. - needed
Unisex Summer 12+ mo. - needed
Girl stuff Summer 0-6 mo. - needed
Girl stuff Summer 6-12 mo. - have some Girl stuff Summer 12+ mo. - have some

*Note - have not sorted past 12 months; will be also needing toddler clothes.

Socks - have some, but mostly pink. Need boy socks.

Onesie extenders - have

Other stuff:
baby swing - have
plastic cups w/ sippy lids - have
car seat newborn-20lbs - needed
car seat 20-40lbs - have
bottles - needed
high chair/booster seat - needed
crib - have
crib sheet sets - have
diapers - needed (we're doing cloth, so I'll post specifics later)
toddler/preschool toys - we have plenty
infant toys - needed
board books - needed

We have clearance!

The turn-around was really fabulous on this one. While we were on vacation, we received a call from the CI that the final home study had been submitted on November 26, and the following week we received the official letter with signatures on it stating we are cleared and ready to roll.

Of course, the children we're seeking for adoption are typically not often available, which is why we chose the foster-adoption route this time around. So our files will be sent to the county foster offices eventually (date unspecified) and we'll see what they need. But we're moving forward!

Recommended Foster Care Reading List

I don't think I've put this here yet, and I keep forgetting to put it in a central place, so here we go.

This is the recommended reading list from experienced foster parents at Foster Care Central.

• A Guide to Foster Parenting: Everything but the Kids! By Mary Ann Goodearle
• The Five Love Languages of Children, By Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
• Bad Childhood---Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood, By Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Parenting Your Out-of-control Child: An Effective, Easy-to-use Program for Teaching Self-control, by George M. Kapalka
• 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child: The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior, by Ph.D. Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child), by Adele Faber , Elaine Mazlish
• Fostering a Child's Recovery, by Mike Thomas, Terry Philpot, and Mary Walsh
• Robbie Rabbit's Trail through Foster Care (and the Trail through Adoption) www.robbietherabbit.com [for kids] 
• Mulberry Bird (if going through adoption only), by Anne Braff Brodzinsky and Diana L. Stanley [for kids]
• Forever Fingerprints, Maybe Days, by Jennifer Wilgocki (highly recommend) [for kids]
• Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control by Heather Forbes
• Adopting the Hurt Child, by Gregory Keck
• Parenting the Hurt Child, by Gregory Keck 
• Telling the Truth to your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past by Betsy Keefer & Jayne Schooler 
• Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge 
• Another Place at the Table, by Kathy Harrison
• Three Little Words, by Ashley Rhodes-Courter
• The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis, David Cross, and Wendy Sunshine
• Nancy Thomas CDs (audio)
• Amazon.com Foster Parent Reading List

CI Interview II Report

Yesterday the CI called and said she had a cancellation for this morning, so we took it! Speed is always a good thing. She arrived at 8:30 and left a little after 10:00, and the questions weren't as intense as they were on Wednesday. Topics covered today:

• Child checklist: what behaviors/history/disabilities are we willing/not willing to accept/consider in a child/birth family. While this sounds difficult (and it is) because everything on the list could happen to anyone, the choices need to be made as to what needs, if any, we're simply not physically able or prepared to meet. Not being prepared to deal with basic needs while a child is recovering from trauma is something they'd like to avoid in general. That said, almost everything on the list (as far as behaviors) are developmentally appropriate for the age range we're looking at, so this part wasn't really that complicated.
• Level of comfort/concerns/personal perspectives on continuing birth family/important other people contact
• Finances and Will/future plans for child
• How would you respond if... child/family/public did/said...
• How will you address the concept of adoption/questions/birth family search (when older) with the child
• How will you handle child/adult offering information on trauma/details 
• Importance of our faith/plans for child
• Plans for discipline/views of child development
• Plans for daily child care/babysitters/respite providers 

Then we showed her around the house (Katharine, she approved of the bathrooms! Thank you!) and she made lots of notes, and that was that!

So now we wait again. But it sounds like we won't wait very long, at least not with her part. She will write up what she has to write up and submit it to our social worker at the beginning of next week, and call us to let us know she submitted it. Then our social worker will make any corrections and send it back to her, she'll make the changes, resubmit, and call us again. She estimates that process will be done before we travel for the holiday. Then, over our trip, they'll (theoretically) get the paperwork to the county foster office and we'll go from there.

I really have no idea if we'll have a placement right away, but there's potential. We have not yet been assigned a foster care social worker, so we'll have to get connected there and find out what we need to complete the clearance. But if they're as motivated as the CI, we could... maybe... have a child for Christmas. I'm starting to get excited again, but still feeling like I probably shouldn't quite yet.

The CI also asked if we were being foster cleared for multiple counties, which is something that hadn't come up as a possibility. There's apparently a much higher need for foster care in Charleston County, which is not our county, so if we can get multiple clearances, it may help things move more quickly as well. We'll follow up on that when we hear from our social worker.

Again, and always, thank you for your ongoing prayers!