Disruptions & Respite

Still no updates on the children we've submitted requests on; however, there is an unavoidable and unfortunate reason. Bert's been working with a couple of disruption situations, which is really really tough. A disruption is when a child has been adopted and, through no fault of the family's (either the behavior had been hidden or the child hasn't done these things before), end up being too difficult to handle and so the family has to back out, or "disrupt", the adoption. It's not something that's ever done lightly, and in most cases I've heard of it's due to an older child who starts acting in ways that are dangerous to other children in the home. I'm sure there are other reasons as well, but it's heartbreaking for everyone involved. While I'm frustrated with the slow pace on our behalf I have to think of these kids Bert's been dealing with the last couple of weeks, who have been through so much personal trauma that they intentionally create unmanageable family life in their adoptive homes, and the families who have been taken unaware and are having to make some pretty horrible decisions and deal with some pretty horrible repercussions.


There are also situations in which a newly adopted or foster child takes more to parent than the family expected, and so (like any new parent) they could occasionally use a break to get some rest or clean the house or whatever. Bert called this morning to broach the idea of us providing respite care for local Bethany families, at least until we find our own child. Basically, this is babysitting... the children are already adopted, but have issues that we've already been trained in through our foster/adoption sessions. Respite can be anywhere from a one time gig of a couple of hours, or it could be a weekend every so often... but anything longer than one weekend is considered foster care, so it'd be filed differently... and we're not going that route.

On the risk side, we'd have a possibly high-maintenance child we've never met living in our home for an hour or a weekend or anything in between, which is pretty much the definition of foster care (though that can run longer). Plus, we'd need to finish buying the furniture for the back bedroom.

On the benefits side, unlike foster care, these kids are already adopted so we wouldn't get emotionally attached to the possibility that they could be our children. We can always say no at any time, we state how much time we can take them for and what kind of problems we're willing to have in our home, we would get a first-hand look at the experiences of children coming from the system, and the "parenting" experience would be added to our adoption file to help bulk out the resume (so to speak). It's basically a cross between babysitting and an unpaid internship. We'd also get to know other local Bethany families, which is cool. And we'd be better care for the child than just a babysitter because we're trained for many potential behaviors, and we have no other children in the home which gives the child one-on-one attention that they desperately need and no one else to harm if they act out with younger children (unfortunately common in some situations). So it'd be beneficial to us, the child, and the child's adoptive family, in more ways than one.

We haven't sat down to talk about it yet; though I think I know what I'd like to do, it's obviously something that we both have to talk through and agree upon. It's entirely up to us, but Bert would like not only an answer to the question but also a brief summary of how we come to our answer. I think it's part of her need to get to know more about how we think and process things, perhaps a brief social-worker test on communication? In any case, it helps her to help us choose our own child when she knows more about us. But considering how often Lanse and I finish each other's sentences or converse with "You know, the thing..." "Oh yeah, with the whatsit...", I think summarizing it will be the hardest part of the process, whatever decision we make!

Prayer requests:
Pray for these two children who may be leaving their adoptive homes, their families, and for Bert trying to juggle all these different situations for everybody's best interest.

Pray for clear communication and wisdom as we talk and decide on whether or not we're open to providing respite care.

Pray that if we feel God lead us to open our home for respite care, He will provide funds or furniture and supplies in a very obvious way that points it towards that purpose.

Pray that God continues to reassure us that He's got things on track for the placement of our own child, and that He'll grant us patience in the meantime.