It's been a very hard week here at home with things unrelated to the adoption, so I'll preface this with saying that I know I'm both sleepy tired and life exhausted right now, so I may not be thinking - and am definitely not feeling - clearly.
We just finished up the last of our home study required training sessions. The last two were on Child Maltreatment and Sexual Abuse. I am so sick to my stomach, angry, and overwhelmed. I'm also in college to get my degree in Child Development, so I've spent the last four weeks studying everything that can go wrong in proper development at all ages due to stress and abuse in an unsafe home environment.
I'm trying to find the right word for my feeling... desperation, hopelessness... whiny?? I just want to be a mom! I can't be pregnant, and we feel like we are personally called to do what we can for our own folk before focusing on the rest of the world, thus older child adoption. Does that seriously mean that my children must be irreparably damaged? Does that mean that because I can't bear a child I have to mother children who had their innocence torn from them? That I'm going to be punished by fetal alcohol syndrome and oppositional defiance disorder and a child who falsely accuses my husband of things because she was molested when she was 2?
Maybe this isn't the way we're supposed to go.... but it's either adopt or don't have children, and we really can't face the latter yet...
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2 comments:
I remember doing a graduate class in sexual abuse and it made me physically ill so I can imagine some of the issues you are studying.
But as horrible and nightmarish as those possibilities may be, whatever challenges you will be facing as you welcome your child home, I know that the two of you are blessed with so much strength and love and faith and patience and wisdom. Your child is already being loved and prayed for and watched over so no matter what has happened before they came to you, your home and your faith and your teachings will help them grow and heal and flourish.
Because you are wonderful. :) And your prayers and fears are being heard and I can only imagine how grateful your child is going to be to come home to you both.
I am the adoptive mom to two children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. Life can be difficult but I do not look at is as being punished. I've been blessed by my kids. It is hard and they have significant behavioral and learning issues but they are children first. And children need families.
Learn all you can and prepare yourself. Stop by my blog if you'd like to connect with some great parents of kids with FASD (I link to several families) ~Kari
www.thoughtspreserved.blogspot.com
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