Now that our SUs are a more lengthy part of our lives than we expected them to be, I figured introductions are in order. Like every good early learning game, we'll let the youngest go first.
World, meet SU3, previously SU2. SU3, meet the world. Hmmm. Where to start. I think the most obvious thing (to me) about him is that he is empathetic and a people person. He talks to everyone he meets, and takes the initiative if he thinks something may make someone else happy. He's sensitive to the mood in a room, and any mood that his brother, Lanse, or I may have. He can read faces very well, and can usually guess how people are feeling. He's brilliant; though in speech therapy for an intermittent slight lisp, he has a fabulous vocabulary, and at age two tested in expressive language around five years old. Combining these traits often leads to a wonderful, wide-eyed face coming around, looking up, and saying, "Are you fruthtrated? Are you
very fruthtrated, or just a little fruthtrated?" He can be extremely sweet and helpful, and likes to please. He can reason through things when you explain to him, (he'll often
not comply because he honestly doesn't get why.... when he understands he'll do it happily). And just recently he was able to stop a crying tantrum because he understood the situation we presented to him. Our current behavior management program is "Happy Sticks"; each time we catch them being good, we give them a stick. If they have five sticks at the end of the day, they get a prize. For SU3, five sticks at the end means he's a good boy.
Of course, being a people person has its down sides. He always wants to know what someone said to someone else and will cry if I can't or won't tell him. He is also extremely sensitive to being left alone. He'll cry suddenly if he decides someone's walking or biking too far ahead, and during tantrums, once the anger is vented, he'll quiet down for his three minute time out if I sit in the hall with him. If I stand up and turn my back, or simply walk down the hall to check on his brother, he'll scream bloody murder for an hour and accuse us of horrible things in a scream, simply because we're not talking to him or sitting with him. He breaks down if his brother interrupts him when he's talking, because he courteously listens to his brother when he speaks and is dreadfully hurt. He has an extremely strong sense of fairness, and expects the same from others. But if he doesn't receive it, turn-around's fair play (at least with his brother)! He's also very stubborn; if he already understands something in a certain way it's nearly impossible to correct him without visible proof, and if he strongly misunderstands something, his justice senses are triggered, which almost always leads to a meltdown.
SU3 also loves beauty. This has been hard for him as a little boy in the South, since I won't let him wear dresses to daycare. He started our dress-up clothes pile by asking to wear my red bridesmaid dress, (No, but you can wear this other one), and he also loves my sparkly shoes. Once the weather turned very nice, we planted some seeds and he's been very gentle with his green bean plant, which is about to flower. He loves to water the garden, and often comments on unexpected things being pretty in shape or color. He is very observant and comments on lizards and birds that go by. While his artistic skills are still age-appropriate (perhaps slightly delayed) he has an astonishing attention span, and will read a number of books in a row, play three or four games of Candyland happily in one sitting, and enjoys coloring and cutting shapes when he can be left alone.
Finally, and importantly, he eats his vegetables - he'll trade in fish sticks for more broccoli - and he still naps almost three hours in the afternoon. Still working on the potty training, but he's only just three, so it's okay. He's not perfect by any means (those tantrums are scary!) but he is pretty amazing.
World, meet SU4, previously SU3. SU4, meet the world! The word that best sums up SU4 is "energetic". During our time with him, he has changed probably the most dramatically. He was very fearful, and now has conquered many frightening things, like swings and climbing and water. He has an amazing imagination, and is constantly blending real life into an imaginary world in his head, which makes conversations.... interesting sometimes. Some of the stories he tells are obviously related to his personal experience as a foster child, but others are simply great stories. He also has a very strong sense of rhythm and lyrics, though his tune isn't that accurate. He makes up songs and dances along with them, and is fascinated with anything that plays music. One "beepy" (battery operated) toy we have has 30 buttons and each plays a different song when on the right setting, and he'll sit for half an hour playing songs and dancing along. He has self-soothing mechanisms of rocking and head-banging which, while disturbing to us, he calls dancing and will jump on the sofa and start rocking out with his music.
SU4 also carries an amazing map in his head, and an amazing memory for visual things. He knows where we are by landmarks every time we go somewhere, and can identify familiar places in the dark when I'm not even sure where we are. He knows the alphabet and can count to 30 (when I prompt him on the word "thirty"), is finally potty trained, completely dresses himself, and can set the table for breakfast on his own. Every day he meets a new goal, and while he's often still fearful and is extremely easily frustrated, (leading to a lot of dramatic tantrums,) he is really amazing us with his developmental leaps.
While extremely intelligent, SU4 receives speech and occupational therapies for challenges that he faces. He struggles to understand and express speech properly, which frustrates all of us on occasion. He and his brother both have difficulty correctly processing sensory elements such as textures and temperatures, and when they arrived with us, also had challenges with the proprioceptive centers, which is the inner ear center of gravity. (In other words, they couldn't swing, turn upside-down, or otherwise feel off-balance without panicking.) SU4 has conquered that challenge, and is now addicted to kicking the sky on the big swings at the playground. The sensory elements, however, influence how they bathe, what they will eat, and what kind of activities we can do - beach sand is bad, water on the head is bad, too much sun or too much noise is bad. "Bad" meaning panic-inducing. We still do these things, but we have to do more planning ahead and create intentional routines to lessen the impact.
While generally much more self-centered than SU3, SU4 thrives on verbal praise, prizes, and Doing Things Right. If we challenge him to do something
all by himself he often will jump right to it, and grin maniacally when he completes it. Any small correction, however, could ruin his whole day. SU4 also has an overburdened penance drive. If he feels he is being bad (even if we've not corrected him) he will put himself in time out, or he will throw his toys away, or he will dump out his Happy Sticks. He also loves getting his brother in trouble, and often tries to put him in time out. We haven't decided yet if he's just a bossy big brother or if he's been parentified through the fostering processes.
When it comes to Happy Sticks, having five at the end of the day means a prize. Yay! To phrase the Happy Sticks a different way, when SU4 does
not have five sticks, he's crushed because he doesn't have a prize. When SU3 does not
have five sticks, he's crushed because he's a very bad boy. While this is true, it's only at the end of the day at prize time. During the day, it's reversed - SU3 focuses on the toys, but SU4 constantly judges himself. Very interesting. But in the end, SU4 is making us just as proud as SU3, and we're looking forward to seeing where they both end up as big kids.
The hordes have just returned from the out of doors, so that's all you get for now. It's bedtime!
